A girl's gotta dream

It has been back to the 'real world' for me -- back to work and a fairly busy schedule. It has been nice being back at work, and being with people who share my thoughts and knowledge in regards to my field. I feel like I'm growing as a leader in my job, and I am trying to take positive steps forward. I love my job, but it is a lot of work and exhausting when I try to work and keep up with my workouts. My goal on a normal week is Birkam 5x's a week and kettlebells 3x's a week. This week I did Bikram 4x's and kettlebells 3x's, so not bad. I finished my 30-day Bikram challenge on January 15th and kept going for 34 classes before other routine things got in the way [work].

My daredevil hamster Charlie

Roxie keeping an Charlie the hamster

I have been 'day dreaming' lately [this isn't a new dream by any means] about Bikram Teacher Training. The idea of it has always intrigued me -- the overall experience sounds amazing and life changing; just what I need. I am so settled in my routine, in fact, I'm very boring. I'm okay with that, but I want to step out of my comfort zone. The idea of being an actual Bikram teacher both terrifies me and sounds wonderful -- like my type of job: routine, the same thing, over and over again. Not that being a Bikram teacher assures predictability, but it does have a certain safety to it, while at the same time offering a huge challenge. I am naturally shy, I am not the first person to introduce myself in any situation. I don't know why I am this way, and honestly it has hindered me ever since I was little. My mom spoke for me a lot, being an only child and afraid of adults as a child, I think it just stuck. I'm trying very hard to break out of my shell and grow in my confidence in all avenues in life, even in my job now.

Rainy day

My mom told the Director and his partner {the only individuals who teach at my studio} that I was interested in teacher training. The next day, they both approached me about it -- they said they fully supported me. They know I would do well -- I am concentrated in my practice [plus, they desperately need another teacher]. I have never sat out a pose or left the room, I listen to their instructions, and I haven't had any water during class for almost 4 months. I am a hard worker. 

Logistics get in the way for me though... [let the internal monologue begin]: what about my current job? I get Summers off but training is during the year. Would I be able to take however-many weeks off and come back? Would I quit? What about the fact that to go I would have to use all my savings? What about my dog? My house? 

My favorite spot in the hot room -- left corner!

After Bikram in front of my awesome poster

So many questions. But this is the time in my life that I should be taking these risks -- I am still young, and not settled with children or a husband. I've been practicing Bikram a little less than 11 months, and it has completely changed me inside and out. My body is not even recognizable to me anymore. Yoga has inspired me to change me habits - I'm vegan, I hardly drink alcohol, and I love going to bed earlier. I take care of myself. I so desperately want to help other's change themselves and inspire themselves. It has been so enjoyable, just the last few weeks, connecting with other's at my studio. That for me is a big step forward.

I love berries

My kettlebells studio is currently doing 90-day challenge, which involves some more intense training, and some health assessment. I went into have my stats checked [BMI, body fat, weight, water concentration]. In March 2011, I weighed about 20 pounds more than I do now. When I had my body fat checked yesterday, I was at 15%. My water concentration (I think that's what it's called?) was 64, and that was directly following Bikram where I had no water during class and only a few sips after. The Dr. said I had the highest number he'd seen all day, and that was after Bikram. He said normal ranges between 38-70, with 70 being where athletes are typically. No wonder I can go without water, my body is full of it!

Waiting for the rain

"Plant an expectation; reap a disappointment."

I know I'm ready to grow and make some changes. that's the first step. I don't want to hold myself back, I don't want to be afraid anymore. 

Now, to hash out the logistics...

Namaste

Hello there twenty-twelve

Here I am again, relishing the final days off from work. What have I done with my 3 weeks off you may ask? Well, aside from daily Bikram, reading, relaxing, listening to music, cleaning, eating, reflecting… not very much. I guess I did complete my second BluePrintCleanse. I completed one 6 months ago when my eating was not-so-healthy. This time around, it wasn’t as trying on my body or mind since I eat well, but it was a nice reset for my body.

All the fruit/veggies for after my cleanse

My favorite - cashew milk

6 juices a day for 3 days

I decided on the 1^st that I want to be in the moment, to live in the moment. Now, after reading an article about this very subject, I realize that you can’t really make that a goal because that is not living in the moment, but instead thinking about the future. It’s a subject that I have trouble wrapping my brain around really. I tried to do some self-reflection about this the other day…

January 1^st, 2012

“So far, I've spent the first day of the New Year at home. No Bikram today (after 15 classes in 15 days), and I slept in until 9am for the first time in so long. I put all the ornaments and miscellaneous Christmas decorations away, took down the 2011 calendars, and made a new 2012 desk calendar.

I want to approach 2012 with an open mind. I don't want to "dread" work and when breaks off end. What's the point in dreading? I need to be positive about the routine parts of my life -- because those moments ARE my life. When I have free time, I don't use it to do anything thrilling anyway so why is routine/work/etc so negative?

I want to find the positive in everything instead of looking at the negatives -- the things I have no control over.

I want to be in the moment always [like when laying in Savasana -- why worry about when C or P is going to take a breath and say the next command? Why not just enjoy stillness and breathing?] For instance, right now I'm sitting on the couch, listening to Pandora, reading/playing solitaire and drinking tea in the living room. The blinds at cracked exposing a sunny, warm-for-January-1st day, and Roxie [dog] is laying near me. I don't need to think about what will happen in 1 hour, or in 3 days. I can think about these things, but I have no upper-hand thinking about these events now.”

It all makes sense when I think about it, and type it out, but living this way takes some major practice. The last few days I have been trying to notice more about routine tasks, like doing the dishes, and running errands – really paying attention to sights, smell, scenery -- and being there for the overall experience [whether it’s something I am enjoying or not].”

    January 2^nd, 2012

“I've had a productive day -- at least I think I have... You know me, I always like to review to myself what I've done, hence my love of lists.

9am Bikram class with Cindy and about 30 other people. It was HOT -- I tried to be in the room mentally. I stayed in final savasana for about 10 minutes and felt good once I got up.

11am Home to shower and eat before kettlebells.

12pm Kettlebells after a week and a half off. I felt peppy and strong-ish.

1pm Safeway to return my unwatched movie. I had a quick discussion about apples with the man who was manning the self checkout [apparently he loves apples too]. Next came the Dollar Store which I enjoyed perusing -- found some fun things. Then I went to Trader Joes and got some tulips.

2pm Home to unload all my new items/food. Did a load of laundry and showered.

3:13pm Sat down with a LOT of food. I’ve been relaxing ever since.

I really enjoyed my errands -- trying hard to pay attention to every aspect of my day.”

This may not be at all interesting to anyone aside from myself – but reflection could certainly help me live in the moment {I suppose}. Goodness knows this blog really isn’t about anyone else but myself – I probably read it more than anyone else does anyway!

So, back to Bikram. Today was my 17^th class in 18 days. I calculated that from March 17^th, 2011 to December 31^st, 2011 {290 days} I went to 190 classes. That makes today class 198.

Yesterday’s class was the biggest class EVER! I wish I knew the dimensions of our hot room, but it’s not big, and not used to seeing 31 people in one class. Even our teacher was surprised. The girl next to me said, “that’s what they get for not having a class on New Year’s day!”

It was HOT, and LONG. I tried so hard to stay in the room mentally, but I had a lot of trouble at the end of the standing series catching my breath.

Today was the complete opposite. There were 10 of us ladies, and it was a faster, less-hot class.

I just really love my kitchen -- especially when it's clean

The other day, I read an article: The Art of Now: Six Steps to Living in the Moment

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200810/the-art-now-six-steps-living-in-the-moment

The article discussed many of the things I hear every day in Bikram. It all makes sense but is a hard subject to wrap your mind around… It makes sense as I read it, but then I try to re-explain it to myself later and it gets foggy. Is it just me? I have a feeling it’s not, otherwise it wouldn’t be hard for everyone either.

Here are just a few snippets/quotes:

"We need to live more in the moment. Living in the moment—also called mindfulness—is a state of active, open, intentional attention on the present. When you become mindful, you realize that you are not your thoughts; you become an observer of your thoughts from moment to moment without judging them. Mindfulness involves being with your thoughts as they are, neither grasping at them nor pushing them away. Instead of letting your life go by without living it, you awaken to experience"

“There's no better way to bring yourself into the present moment than to focus on your breathing.”  -- Talk about Bikram yoga practice

“If you feel anxiety, for instance, you can accept the feeling, label it as anxiety—then direct your attention to something else instead. You watch your thoughts, perceptions, and emotions flit through your mind without getting involved. Thoughts are just thoughts. You don't have to believe them and you don't have to do what they say.”

“Here's the most fundamental paradox of all: Mindfulness isn't a goal, because goals are about the future, but you do have to set the intention of paying attention to what's happening at the present moment. As you read the words printed on this page, as your eyes distinguish the black squiggles on white paper, as you feel gravity anchoring you to the planet, wake up. Become aware of being alive. And breathe. As you draw your next breath, focus on the rise of your abdomen on the in-breath, the stream of heat through your nostrils on the out-breath. If you're aware of that feeling right now, as you're reading this, you're living in the moment. Nothing happens next. It's not a destination. This is it. You're already there.”

There you have it. So mindfulness can’t be my goal, but I am setting my intention to pay attention to present. How’s that? I’m trying, although I feel like it’s all so abstract.

I hope everyone’s New Year has started off well.

Namaste