It's official

I paid my course deposit this morning...


I'm going to Thailand for the month of June!


More to come...


Namaste

This could really happen

Today was class number 258. I had my “men” with me – my dad and my boy(friend)  {I’m still not putting a label back on us – no need to}; one was behind me, and one was to my right. It’s nice to have the people you love nearby.

This whole idea of going to Thailand in June for Absolute Hot Yoga Teacher Training is quickly becoming very real. I sent in my application, and they accepted me {aka they are ready to take my money}. The owner of my studio attended Bikram Teacher Training with two of the teachers that run the Absolute teacher training, and I guess he was able to talk to one of them. He is going to send me some testimonials and other positive feedback from other past trainees.

I need an experience like this; it’s the perfect time in my life for it. I’m getting so excited, and nervous too.  Nothing is 100% official, but I’d say that I’m 85% sure that I’m going to go forward with this and that I’ll be in Thailand for the month of June.

There’s so much going through my head, but for some reason I cannot extract it all right now through writing. I just keep getting good news and feedback in regards to the training, so I’m feeling positive. My parents are very supportive, and are willing to loan me the money I need to attend. My studio owners are even allowing me to have the next 2 months of my practice free of charge if I do attend training. Awesome, I’ll take it.

I’ll keep writing as I learn/decide more. For someone who doesn’t ever travel, this is pretty major. I’m a little leery about the whole traveling and flight process on my own, but I know I can do it. I can, I can, I can. I know that the past ‘me’ would have never even considered this.

Here’s to moving forward.

Namaste

Keeping my options open

Happy 1 year of Bikram to me!

Yesterday was my 248^th Bikram yoga class and my 1 year Bikramversary! That’s right, instead of drinking mass quantities of green beer and hard liquor, I have spent the last two Saint Patrick’s days doing yoga. Let me tell you, it feels a hell-of-a-lot better than drinking all day, and then wasting the following day with a lovely hangover and a head full of regrets {“I will never drink again”}. I guess I’ve officially grown up, or at least started to…

Yesterday’s class kicked my ass. A visiting teacher from down south taught. She was very motivating, and added a new twist to my typical class. We don’t get much variety in our studio with our typical two teachers [not that I don’t still love them]. She really talked about the breathing, and broke postures down in new ways that I hadn’t heard before. It was evident that she has been teaching a while, and that she knows how to push her student. She didn’t know my name, so she called me Miss Pink [good ol’ pink sports bra]. She pushed me HARD, and had me go farther into some postures that I had been holding back on, which killed me, but I appreciated it. It was hot and I was SO sweaty, and it felt SO good. I love the heat now, even today when some other women were complaining about the heat after class; I hadn’t even thought it was that hot, I was just happy that it was hot and that I was sweaty. After class yesterday, the visiting teacher asked my name, and told me I have a beautiful practice, which was certainly nice to hear.

I had a conversation with my studio owner on Thursday night after class. He knows how frustrated I am about my inability to go to Birkam Teacher Training, and began talking about other yoga teacher trainings. With everything going on with Bikram and trying to charge franchising fees for Bikram yoga certified studios, my studio directors aren’t sure what they will have to do, and if they will have to eventually drop the “Birkam” name off of their studio. With that being said, he mentioned the possibility of me going to another “hot yoga” teacher training. Although I really want to go to Bikram Teacher Training, I also understand where he is coming from; he said that often the people who leave training aren’t well prepared to actually teach, and that a lot has changed from when he originally trained 11 years ago. He sent me a list of other teacher trainings, and after looking at them, one stood out in particular. It is called Absolute Hot Yoga teacher training and takes place in Thailand in the month of June. It was created by teachers who originally were trained in Bikram yoga. I would rather not stray from Bikram’s 26 postures, but this training consists of 50 postures – it looks like almost {if not all} of the 26 Bikram postures are included, but with a few extras. You still practice twice daily, but the number of students is much lower than Bikram teacher training. They put a real emphasis on how to teach and the business of yoga.

So, keeping all of this in mind; the fact that I wouldn’t have to miss any work for this training, and I would still have half of my summer after training before having to go back to work, it is a real possibility. I am going to apply for my passport, because I might as well have one [hopefully I will get out of the country some point in the next 10 years].

My puppy dog

It would be a great experience, and I could start this adventure into teaching sooner than later. Then, maybe later on, I could always attend Bikram Teacher Trainig when the time was right.

Here’s hoping; I need an adventure! Thailand would certainly be an adventure. I never travel. The farthest I have ever traveled from California in my life has been to New York (6 years ago), Florida (15 years ago), and the Bahamas (16 years ago). In the last 5 years I haven’t left California. So this would be a pretty fantastic experience and opportunity.

I’m trying to keep an open mind; there are other opportunities out there!

Namaste

Coming to terms

This last month has been quite the rollercoaster. My life has changed a lot, but now that things have calmed down, I can see it was all for the best. It has caused me to reevaluate a lot of things, and to appreciate the small things in life.

Random 5k after no running for 4 months -- I survived!

I’ve been living alone for a month; it’s different but I enjoy my privacy and all the things that come with living alone. It is more work, and more money [stupid bills]. I am supposed to be getting a roommate soon {but I am certainly not in any rush}.

I tried to get a 6-week personal leave from work so that I could go to Spring 2012 Bikram Yoga Teacher Training. My request was denied, quite unfairly too. The person who made the decision does not work directly with my department; she doesn’t know how our center {preschool} works. My amazing supervisor tried to sway her with a very lovely email showing her support, however, her email was never even responded to. It’s really too bad, and it makes me resentful. If I could miss those 6 weeks, I would come back much happier, educated, confident and fulfilled. But now, it’s like I have to choose one or the other, which doesn’t help me or my performance. For now, I have to accept that I will be working until Summertime when I get my 9 weeks off. Why can’t Bikram Teacher Training take place during my 9 weeks off? That would be AMAZING.

I’m bummed, and the day I found out I was holding back tears the entire day at work. I have such great support, but I cannot quit my job and lose the money and benefits. I work in early childhood education, and my job is at the best center in the area; we do not make enough money, but I do have great benefits that I can’t lose. My parents are also supportive, but are not going to allow me to live in my lovely house while quitting my job. I shouldn’t be asking them to pay for everything at 25 years old anyway; I just wish there was another way…

A month ago I lost a huge part of myself, a relationship. But for now, things are going well. He is doing amazing and finding himself again. He has even begun taking Bikram completely on his own (it only took a year of my constant nagging). We are taking things slow; one day at a time. So far, it feels good, and I’m happy, which is all that I can really ask for.

Delicious vegan lunch

Today was my 244^th Bikram class. Next Saturday, March 17^th AKA Saint Patrick’s Day marks my 1 year Birkam-anniversary. I wanted to try for 250 classes by then, but I think I’m going to end up short with 247 which is a-ok. So much has changed this last year.

Bikram yoga saved my life.

Honestly, and I hope that one day I will attend training, and that I can then better share the beauty of this yoga practice. It has opened my mind, and created a sense of calm inside of myself that I have never felt before. I am less anxious, and even though I still get angry and worried, I am better able to deal with life in general.

It’s amazing really.

Namaste.

My gut was right

I got a no answer this morning. So defeated, no chance I could go in fall either. I wish there were a way... Hopefully more writing to follow this weekend.


Namaste

Until tomorrow...

(my original post was deleted somehow, but I think I recaptured the gist aka my internal monologue)


Tomorrow I have a meeting regarding my request to miss 6 weeks of work to attend Bikram Spring 2012 Teacher Training. I I was so positive after my initial meeting on Tuesday, but I have a growing feeling in my gut that tomorrow the answer will be a big "no."


This meeting was scheduled 1 day after my initial meeting, and it will be only about 15 minutes. It just doesn't feel right.


I truly feel that this is the next step in my practice, my passion, and my life. I have so much support and I have been really imagining myself going -- it has felt like more and more of a possibility everyday and not just a pipe dream.


I want to go so badly -- it would be such a great experience for me.


I have done all that I can, for now all I can do is hope.


Until tomorrow...


Namaste

Times are changing...

I have always HATED change and have been absolutely TERRIFIED of it.

The last week has been a roller coaster of just that, CHANGE.

I want to divulge all the facts, but I'm not sure I'm ready or even in the right mind-set.


I still want to pursue Bikram Teacher Training, and I talked with the owner(s) or my studio today. They are in support of me going (and going ASAP, like April!), and would help finance a loan for me to go. But, I have a full time job, and I would have to miss 6 weeks of our 19 week semester... Is this even a possibility?!


I guess if you never ask, you'll never know.


Scary, scary, scary. {Why am I so scared?}

All I know is that I hope it all works out the way it is supposed to. I just need some MAJOR strength and courage...


Positive thoughts.


Namaste